Author: Loni

With Me It’s All or Nothin’*

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I think sometimes we miss out by not singing all the verses of hymns. I find it odd that we don’t. We don’t do it with any songs other than hymns, really. It’s not like Bono’s ever stood on stage and only sung the first and third verses of “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For.”

Sometimes I think we need a reminder that even the songs we think of as simple can be radically profound. Case in point:

Jesus loves me! This I know,
For the Bible tells me so.
Little ones to Him belong;
They are weak, but He is strong.

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! This I know,
As He loved so long ago,
Taking children on His knee,
Saying, “Let them come to Me.

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me still today,
Walking with me on my way,
Wanting as a friend to give
Light and love to all who live.

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! He who died
Heaven’s gate to open wide;
He will wash away my sin,
Let His little child come in.

Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
Yes, Jesus loves me!
The Bible tells me so.

Jesus loves me! He will stay
Close beside me all the way;
Thou hast bled and died for me,
I will henceforth live for Thee.

Seriously? Wow. I think we’re handicapping kids by not giving them more than 1 verse and chorus. That song’ll preach, my friends. It’ll preach.

*The lyrics for this post title aren’t taken from a song that has anything to do with this post. I’m just an all or nothin’ kind of girl. Sorry if this causes confusion.

I Heard The Sound Of A Thunder, It Roared Out A Warnin’

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My parents’ dog is scared of thunder. Scared is an understatement. The dog is paralyzed with fear when it thunders. He has to be medicated. That’s right, when the storms roll through, Dakota gets a diazepam.

When I was living overseas, one of the things I missed was the big storms. Growing up in Texas and Oklahoma, you learn to have a healthy respect and awe for the weather. When the thunder rolls, the tornadoes chase and the lightening strikes, the air becomes almost electric. Playing in the rain, watching the lights, letting the thunder lull me to sleep, and watching the sky turn green in preparation for twisters are some of my favorite things.

One night in Paris we had a thunder storm. That almost never happens, and that storm was the first and last I saw in my 2+ years there. I was a nanny at the time, and AK, the little girl I cared for, was awakened by the storm. She came running in and crawled up in my lap. We talked about how thunder sounds scary, but it can’t hurt us. I told her that some people say thunder is God bowling, or the angels throwing a party, but really it’s just noise. We talked about how God makes big noises like thunder and little noises like the wind. By the end of the night we we giggling at the slow rumbles.

As I write this there’s a storm rolling through. Listening to the rhythm has me more relaxed than I’ve been in weeks, but my parents’ 90 lb. labrador is trying to sit in my lap despite his dose of diazepam. Isn’t it strange that what terrifies some can thrill others? That combination of fear and wonder is mystifying.

I think that, more than anything else in my life, has helped me understand what it means to be in awe. In the early 90s the word “awesome” became colloquial and in the process, I think the word “awe” lost some of its luster. In our modern hullabaloo, we don’t have awe for a lot of things. In scripture, the word is used sparingly, but always in reference to God and his works.  I think it’s appropriate that God alone is worthy of awe, but its even more appropriate that He reveals to us what it is to be in awe through the works of His hands.

I wonder if God’s revealing himself through our fears more often than we realize. What is it that we fear? Is it possible God could be using that for His own glory?

That is the Elephant in the Room

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I have lots of gay friends. Lots. My whole family does, actually. Some people find that weird because we’re all also pretty radically ministry oriented Christians. My homosexual friends almost all walk on eggshells around me for a couple of weeks after they find out that not only do I love Jesus, but I’m Baptist and in seminary. (All of those things stereotypically add up to hating gay people, FYI.) My Christian friends, on the other hand sometimes judge me as if loving these friends means that I’m somehow not very good at loving Jesus, being Baptist, or going to seminary.

I had a pastor and friend say to me once that homosexuality will be the defining issue for the church in the early 21st century. We’re almost a decade in and I’m still not sure if he’s right or wrong, but I do think he has a fair point. A few weeks ago, some friends and I went out after work. During the course of the evening, one of my guy friends (who happens to be in a monogamous relationship with another guy) asked me what I think about gay marriage. I felt the table grow quiet and all eyes turn to me, and I’d be lying if I could tell you I remembered everything I said. What I feel, though, is that for Christians at least, it should be a non-issue. Our agenda, as directed by Christ himself, is to love God, love others, and share the love of Christ with others so that they may come to know him.  Debating gay marriage, from one side or the other, damages that agenda for all Christians.

I’m not saying we’re not obligated to take a stand. Jesus was pretty clear to the contrary. The only times He ever took a confrontational stand to anything, though, was with those who considered themselves religious, and he NEVER let that impede his ministry. Can we say the same? Whether gay marriage, or alcohol, or R-rated movies, most of us are better at showing the world what we’re against than what we’re for.

Derek Webb is one of my favorite artists, Christian or otherwise. There’s a song on his new album that’s so controversial that his studio is releasing a version of the album without it. I think it’s a message that Christians not only need to hear, but to listen to and internalize.

This isn’t my favorite Derek Webb song ever. It doesn’t have his usual folksy style and the video is distracting. I deliberately picked the version that’s just audio, but if even that’s too much for you, at least read the lyrics by clicking on “more info” on the youtube page itself.

I’m not saying you should wholeheartedly agree with this song; I’m not sure I do. I’m challenging you, though, to pray about and ponder your own reaction to it.

But if I Know You, I Know What You’ll Do

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My friend Allison and I were discussing our love lives this week. Mine is virtually non-existent with some interesting twists and turns, while she has recently acquired a boyfriend. I’ve only met him once, but he seems cute and delightful and perfect for her.

Allison is a work friend, so we see each other all the time and she’s quickly become one of my favorite people. Part of the reason for this is that she’s one of those people who doesn’t act her age. She’s 24 and unashamedly adores Miley Cyrus, American Idol and all things teen-pop. If something is happening in the world of pop culture, chances are Allison not only knows about it, but she already has tickets to the concert.

This week Allison made me a playlist, called Loni’s MoJo, to motivate me out of my romantic slump. It’s a fabulous playlist and I’ve listened to it countless times this week – not because it’s my kind of music (most of it’s not) but because every single song reminds me of Allison and her innocence and optimism. I can almost hear her thought process as she selected and placed each song in just the right spot. Listening to it makes me smile.

It occurs to me that that’s the thing about playlists (or mixed CDs or mixed tapes – depending on your generation’s media of choice): most of the time they really say more about the creator than the do about the music. I mean, yes, the songs on “Loni’s MoJo”  have a fairly overt lyrical theme, but in listening to them I can’t help but wonder how different my high school life would have been if I’d had an Allison in my corner encouraging my “mojo.” I have a couple of road trips coming up later in the summer and Allison has promised to make me a road trip mix. I can’t wait to see what that entails.

FYI – here’s the “Loni’s MoJo” playlist:

  1. He Could Be The One – Hannah Montana
  2. Dream Lover – Mariah Carey
  3. Love Song for No One – John Mayer
  4. I Want You – Kelly Clarkson
  5. I’d Lie – Taylor Swift
  6. One in a Million – Hannah Montana
  7. Crazyboutya – Dave Barnes
  8. Invisible – Taylor Swift
  9. Things I’ll Never Say – Avril Lavigne
  10. The Two of Us – ‘N Sync
  11. If We Were In A Movie – Hannah Montana
  12. Right Stuff – New Kids On The Block
  13. Mmm Papi – Britney Spears
  14. Let’s Get It On – Gavin DeGraw

If/when I’m making a mix for someone lately it almost always includes something by Pink Martini, M.Ward, Bob Dylan, Ryan Adams, Warren Haynes, and some various others because that’s what I’m listening to most often these days. If you were to make a “MoJo” playlist for someone, what would be on it, and what would that say about you?

Keep Me Guessing With These Blessings in Disguise

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“Faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things unseen.”
Hebrews 11:1

Faith: it’s been the motivation of songs, poems, and epic tales, of chisel to marble and brush to canvas, of wars both ideological and and those that spill blood on the battlefields.

I’ve been thinking a lot about faith lately. It mystifies me. Not on a personal level; I’m not having a crisis of belief or anything. Not in a religious capacity…there’s always a chance that I’ll try to tackle conflicting ideologies, but today is not that day.

The faith I’ve been pondering is defined as

  1. Confident belief in the truth, value, or trustworthiness of a person, idea, or thing.
  2. Belief that does not rest on logical proof or material evidence.
  3. Loyalty to a person or thing; allegiance

It’s the human capacity for faith that boggles the mind. As Christians we often site God’s invisibility as reason people struggle to believe in God. The more I’ve reflected on that, the more I think it’s poppycock. It’s a struggle because faith is so fragile and so seldom rewarded in our lives. Think about it: we put our faith in relationships – the best of which are complex and difficult to maintain; we put our faith in political and religious leaders, who in their humanity are bound to disappoint eventually. We live in a world where countries are in political unrest, reality television has tarnished the very definition of reality, and the planets of our childhoods are no longer planets.

The fact that we still have the ability to have faith in anyone or anything is a miracle. Our innate need and hunger for God and something bigger than ourselves is so great that it overcomes the fraility of faith. Henry David Thoreau said “The smallest seed of faith is better than the largest fruit of happiness.” The world has failed us, but there’s still hope for something more, and that More is so much infinitely greater than we could ask or imagine that He makes faith worth the risk.

One Bad Apple Don’t Spoil the Whole Bunch, Girl

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You know when you’re little and you play stupid little fortune telling games? Think MASH, cootie catchers, etc… (Okay, if you’re a guy, maybe you don’t know. Long story short – girls are silly. Surely you’re not just now catching on to this.) Anyway, one of the more ridiculous fortune telling games involved saying the alphabet while you twisted off the stem of an apple. Whichever letter you’re on when the stem pops off is the initial of the person you’re supposed to marry. The apple game is the most flexible of the totally ridiculous and meaningless fortune telling games because you can manipulate the initial to stand for whatever you want. Oh…wait…the stem came off at G? Is ‘G’ the first name, last name, nickname? It can vary from apple to apple.

I’ve been eating a lot of apples lately. A LOT of apples. 2 a day most days. I think it’s just a weird phase I’m going through. This week, though, I’ve found myself saying the alphabet while twisting off the stems. It’s not a conscious thing at all; in fact, most of the time the stem has popped off before I realize I’m thinking the letter ‘c’ or ‘d’ or ‘i’ or ‘f’ or ‘l’ or ‘p’ (I rarely make it past ‘p’.)

Evidently, the ridiculousness of childhood sinks in deeper to our consciousness than we’d like to admit. I can speak eloquently about Kant and Marlowe, I can read Hauerwas and understand what he’s talking about, I know Bob Dylan lyrics, I can quote copious amounts of scripture, I’m totally content and happy with being single, and evidently – in the recesses of my brain – part of me is putting stock in apple stems. I’m learning to live with the paradox that is me.

Never Compromise, Accept No Substitute

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(caution: the fashion metaphors/references running through this post -and the title above- are pretty thick…I may have been at my job too long.)

I found out this week that I’m someone’s backup, which I think is supposed to be flattering, but in reality is a concept I’ve never really comprehended. “Hey, we don’t really like each other enough to date, but at the same time we don’t drive each other beyond crazy so if we’re really desperate by the time we hit our scary age – we should get married.” Really? This is how life works in my generation? Ugh.

Anyway, I didn’t actually have that conversation. His mom told my mom. No, I’m not kidding. I’m pretty sure his mom is now praying that he doesn’t find a significant other in the next five years (his scary age, not mine) because she loves me. All mom’s love me…which is, as it has always been, both a blessing and a curse.

The whole “backup” revelation has me thinking about this guy in particular (which is weird because I haven’t seen/talked to him in almost a year and we haven’t gone out since high school) and all guys in general. This guy, we’ll call ‘X’.

X is delightful. In a fashion metaphor (which you were warned about), X is the perfect cocktail dress. He’s eye catching, flattering, garners compliments from all my friends, makes me smile, loves my curves, skims over my flaws, is ideal for a night out, and makes me feel downright sexy. What’s not to love, right? The thing about cocktail dresses, though, is that they’re just not the same in the daylight hours, and they generally come with special care instructions. Wearing them everyday is less than practical.

If we’re comparing guys to dresses (and I’m fairly certain every advice columnist ever will tell you that’s a “don’t”), I think what I’m looking for is more of a wrap dress. To that same list of pros from above we can add season-less, durable, perfect for traveling, appropriate for almost any occasion…

The only downside to wrap dresses is that they can be a hassle when life gets blustery. Really, though, to whom doesn’t that apply?

Ain’t Got a Fever, Got a Permanent Disease

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Last weekend Karla and I loaded into Lola and headed down to NOLA for Jazz Fest. I can’t believe I haven’t been going my entire life, and I definitely plan to make it an annual event. You all need to come with me. It’s amazing. (Next year, though, I may schedule more time off so I’m not driving down and coming back on days I see concerts.) The people watching alone makes it worth the trip, and the food is incredible, but the music…OH MY GOODNESS!!! I came home with favorite bands that I’d never heard of a week ago.

Here are some of the things I learned at Jazz Fest…

  1. Jazz Fest isn’t about who you hear – it’s about who you miss. I saw Buddy Guy, Ellis Marsalis, Preservation Hall, Bon Jovi and about a dozen others, but that meant missing Neil Young, Dr. John, Kings of Leon…
  2. Popular names may be happening on the stages, but the music that’ll change your life happens in the tents. The Jazz tent is filled with the most creative, inventive and freakishly talented musicians; the Blues tent has musicians performing with every molecule in their bodies; the Economy Hall tent, well, it’s the best people watching you’ll find anywhere.
  3. The main field is full of flags/windsocks/randomness on super long flagpoles. They’re marking people’s territory, but they make great markers for everyone trying to find their friends in the field. (Karla claimed our spot between the checkered flag and the dragonfly.)
  4. The food is incredible, but I should have taken more friends so I could sample more stuff. Trying something different for every meal and snack, I’d still need 20 days to try all the culinary treats at Jazz Fest. The food alone is worth the trip.
  5. People with parasols are serious about their circle line (which is a dance, FYI). If you’re willing to learn, they’re willing to teach you, but if you’re going to mock, those octogenarians will knock you out.
  6. If you’re friendly, people you don’t know will watch your stuff and save your seat while you go to get food or run to the bathroom. If you’re really nice, when you watch other people’s stuff they may just come back with a tasty beverage or a sweet potato pie to share with you.
  7. Get your seat early…really early. If you want to get good pictures and make good friends, you need to be in the front. Unless you’re freakishly lucky, that means getting there early, which may mean sitting through an act or two of someone you’ve never heard of – you won’t be disappointed.
  8. There are NO bad acts at Jazz Fest. Everyone there comes with their “A” game.
  9. Even musicians who aren’t performing attend fest, so keep your eyes peeled.
  10. Post Fest? Bourbon Street is for debauchery, but real music happens on Frenchmen Street. It’s at the far east end of the French Quarter, and the nightlife will blow your mind.

Too Many Dreams To Juggle

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You know those people who have to have everything parallel or squeaky clean to function? I’m not that kind of person. In fact, I’m the antithesis of that kind of person. I thrive in chaos. My brain works best when it’s cluttered, and my life works best when I’ve got multiple balls in the air. In those situations, I’m the generally the one who can make sense of the disorder and bring a sense of calm to the chaos.

Stress isn’t something that really gets to me, but I have my moments. If you ever see me with a to-do list – I’m having one of those moments. To-do lists happen when I feel like my brain’s too full and I start to worry I’ll drop one of those many balls I’m juggling. In the past 2 days, I’ve made 5 to-do lists. It’s time for a vacation, friends. Fortunately, I head to New Orleans in, well, 33 hours.

Dream Maker, You Heart Breaker

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If you know me at all, you know I’m vehemently opposed to reality TV.  My current living situation has made me lighten up a little bit because my roommate is as addicted to reality TV as I am to scripted TV. Though I normally find other things to do when she’s shuffling through the reality stuff on the DVR, the exception has always been Amazing Race. This season, we’ve added another exception – American Idol. There are some I contestants I love,  others I consider overrated, and still others I think should never have made it this far. Having an opinion on it at all makes me a little sad for myself. I’ve been sucked in.

Tonight was movie night and the contestants had to sing songs from films. A couple of them chose really well. Most went the safe route. It was lackluster and pretty much expected. Every week though, the roommate and I discuss what we would have sung from that category. My song from a movie? Moon River. Hands down. You go out on that stage and nail Moon River? You win the night.

I’ve been listening to Moon River since Idol ended tonight, and it’s made me think a lot about the last week. Last week was hard. Really inconsolably difficult. I spent most of Saturday in my pajamas just trying to emotionally recover from a week that had challenged me and everyone I work with. I’m still not recovered and we’re still all being challenged.

It was also a week where I got an offer for a dream job. Sadly, the dream job didn’t come with a dream salary, and since I can’t dream my bills into getting paid, I turned it down. If you’re looking for something to pray though, pray that I could work on that project and stay where I am. I feel like it’s the doorway to something, but I’m not supposed to walk through it yet. It’s kinda like Moon River: “we’re after the same rainbow’s end…”